Spiritual Growth: Cultivating a Tenderness of Heart

Tenderness of Heart Displayed by the Good Samaritan

“Jesus replied and said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead. “And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. “Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. “But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion, and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him.”

(Luke 10:30-34)

Tenderness of Heart

In this teaching, the quality of a tenderness of heart will be explained, and why it is important in the Christian life. The teaching will then explain that the method of obtaining a tenderness of heart is through the spiritual growth process. The instruction will conclude with the application of maintaining this tenderness of heart in the real world where you are surrounded by large numbers of people who are rude, vile, and hostile. Cultivating a tenderness of heart is a great accomplishment that is part of the process toward maturity in the faith, and once it is obtained it must then be nurtured and preserved in this wicked and unbelieving world.

So, what do we mean by a tenderness of heart? Here is a basic definition which will be then followed with a biblical understanding. “A tenderness of heart refers to a temperament that is displayed by gentleness, compassion, kindness, mercy, and a heart that is sympathetic to the feelings and shortcomings of others. Possession of a tenderness of heart creates humility, meekness, and patience which increases the capacity to love and forgive those who may provoke them to anger. A tenderness of heart is the sum total of all of those qualities and virtues that make a person loving, gentle, and Christlike in their treatment of others regardless of their status as friend or enemy.”

Beyond this basic understanding of a tenderness of heart there is a greater significance and meaning in biblical terms. The parable of the Good Samaritan is a good biblical example of a person who is tenderhearted. This is a teaching of Jesus in response to the question, “Who is my neighbor?” The victim of a robbery who was badly beaten and left on the ground to die was passed and ignored by two separate members of the religious community, but a Samaritan stopped and cared for the injured man. An important aspect of the parable is that the Samaritans were despised by the Jewish community and considered outcasts. Despite his status, the Samaritan displayed kindness, compassion, and mercy to a complete stranger and went out of his way to provide care. Jesus’ point is that the Samaritan possessed qualities of righteousness that proceed from a tender heart, while the religious persons displayed the hardened hearts of the ungodly. The greater model of someone possessing a tenderness of heart is Jesus Himself. The image of Jesus’ character as revealed in the gospels is a perfect example of tenderheartedness–To possess a tenderness of heart is to possess the heart of Jesus.

The parable of the Good Samaritan showed the contrast between a person who out of the tenderness of his heart fulfilled the commandment to love his neighbor, while the other two religious persons who had been trained in the law failed to do so because they lacked the tender heart needed to truly love their neighbors. We can go a little deeper in this instruction by considering another teaching of Jesus that builds on the lesson of the parable. In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught that a good tree produces good fruit, while a bad tree produces bad fruit. In the same way a good person produces good fruit because they flow out of the good treasure of his heart, while the opposite is true for the evil person where evil fruit is produced from the evil treasure of his heart.

“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart,” (Luke 6:45).

Connecting these two teachings, the “Parable of the Good Samaritan,” and the “good treasure of the heart;” the common link is a tenderness of heart. A tenderness of heart inspired the Samaritan to show mercy and compassion, and a tenderness of heart is the good treasure of the heart. The Christian who possesses a tenderness of heart will produce good fruit which shows his/her love for their neighbor. The good fruits produced by a tenderness of heart are evidence of true saving faith.

The Virtues of Godliness

There are numerous verses in Scripture which display the qualities and virtues that defined the heart of Jesus. These biblical teachings give Christians a guide as to the virtues of God that bring a tenderness of heart. These qualities are what distinguishes a heart of stone from a heart of flesh. Those with hearts of stone have their hearts turned inward displaying their love of self, while those with hearts of flesh have their hearts turned upward displaying their love of God. It is only through the regenerating work of the Spirit that the heart of stone is turned into a heart of flesh, (Ezek. 11:19). Only with a love for God are believers able to manifest the virtues of God which brings a tenderness of heart–which is like a lamp that attracts those who are lost in darkness. We begin with the teaching of Paul in Colossians 3:12.

The Apostle Paul is instructing his followers that now that they have been chosen by God for redemption, they are to display the characteristics that express holiness. This is in accordance with God’s command that His people are to be holy as He is holy, “You shall be holy to me; for I the LORD am holy, and I have separated you from the other peoples to be mine,” (Lev. 20:26). God has separated believers from all others to display His holiness, and possession of these virtues demonstrates their status as His beloved possession. Paul lists five virtues which they are to acquire in order to direct the heart towards holiness. These virtues are part of the good treasure of the heart along with the Fruits of the Spirit, (which will be discussed later in the teaching). A person who has these virtues; compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, is a blessing to all those around them, and is attractive as a source of goodness to those who are distressed by the world of wickedness. A believer who is on the path of righteousness in their spiritual growth will be led by the Spirit of God to cultivate these five virtues. This is the transformation process from newly redeemed sinner to mature saint. During this process believers should observe changes in their heart, from a hardened selfish heart to a warm compassionate heart. The believer must follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and assist in their spiritual growth by identifying weaknesses and faults which may impede their progress. Below are brief descriptions of the five holy virtues to aid the believer as he/she witnesses the transformation of their hearts through the adoption of these virtues.

• Compassion– Quality of showing kindness or favor, of being gracious, or of having pity or mercy. In the Bible, God is described as being like a compassionate father to those who revere him. An attitude of care and concern, grounded in pity and sympathy towards others. Christian compassion towards others should reflect the compassion of God for his people. A suffering with another; painful sympathy; a sensation of sorrow excited by the distress or misfortunes of another; pity; understanding. Compassion is a mixed passion, compounded of love and sorrow; at least some portion of love generally attends the pain or regret, or is moved by it.
• Kindness– Act of good will; charitable; any act of benevolence which promotes the happiness or welfare of others. Charity, hospitality, attentions to the wants of others. Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses; warmhearted. Kindness ever accompanies love.
• Humility– humbleness of mind; a modest estimate of one’s own worth. In theology, humility consists in lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one’s own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will. Before honor is humility. Serving the Lord with all humility of mind.
• Gentleness– Softness of manners; mildness of temper; sweetness of disposition; meekness. kindness, consideration, a spirit of fairness and compassion. The apostle Paul declared that Christians should have a spirit of gentleness toward all people. The opposite of gentleness is anger and rage which are caused by the lack of self-control. Self-control is the ability to overcome sinful emotions and replace them with emotions based in love.
• Patience– The suffering of afflictions, pain, toil, calamity, provocation or other evil, with a calm, unruffled temper; endurance without murmuring or distress. Patience may spring from constitutional fortitude, from a kind of heroic pride, or from Christian submission to the divine will. A calm temper which bears evils without murmuring or discontent. The act or quality of waiting long for justice or expected good without discontent. The quality of bearing offenses and injuries without anger or revenge. An attribute of God is His patience, or longsuffering, in which He deals with us as He exercises great patience with our disobedience. Many Christians struggle with being short-tempered and impatient with others. A tenderness of the heart replaces impatience with longsuffering.

Love is the Element Which Binds These Virtues Together

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful,” (Col. 3:14-15).

The virtues that bring a tenderness of heart are bound together by love, which is the fountain from which they all flow out of. In chapter 13 of 1st Corinthians, Paul gives his great lecture on the priority of love as the greatest of all gifts and attributes. It is love that defines God, and it is the attribute that directs all of His other attributes. Since believers are in Christ, and Christ is in them, (John 15:4-5), they possess the love of God which directs them to love as God loves. It is this love which binds all of the virtues and qualities together to form a tenderness of heart that imitates the tenderness of heart of Christ. As we form this tenderness of heart, it is love that is the most precious gift that we receive from God so that we can reflect His love and glory.

Other Bible Verses Giving Instruction on the Tenderness of Heart

As believers rise above the conditions of this fallen world and they strive to be holy as God is holy, they can mine the treasury of God’s Word for further instruction and wisdom on forming a tenderness of heart. Below are just a few passages to guide Christians to maturity where they receive the heart of Christ.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you,” (Eph. 4:31-32)

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS,” (Matt. 11:29).

“Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;” (1Pet. 3:8).

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” (Eph. 4:1-2)

“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men,” (Rom. 12:17-18).

A Tenderness of Heart is the Product of the Spiritual Growth Process

Sanctification is a process which takes the believer from a spiritual newborn to a mature believer. The path of spiritual growth involves the transformation of the mind through the word of God, and the transformation of the character toward Christlikeness by the work of the Holy Spirit. During this process, as the believer progresses from one level to another, the condition of their heart also progresses as they obtain a greater level of tenderness of heart. A new believer may be overly ambitious and desire to quickly mature due to pride, but the transformation process is slow because it involves gathering wisdom, knowledge, humility, faith, obedience, and patience. It is a journey on a path toward spiritual maturity which is led by Spirit, and is dependent on the union with Christ. The believer is a work in progress, and he/she must acknowledge this as they submit to the work of the Spirit as the agent of their transformation.

The sanctification process is intended to make a person holy as God is holy, and to bring them to righteousness. This is a slow and methodical process which usually has many setbacks as believers struggle with sin habits and deeply rooted sin which can be difficult to defeat. Many struggle to overcome these powerful fleshly desires because they fail to submit to the filling and leading of the Holy Spirit. Spiritual growth is an ongoing battle that continues throughout the life of the believer. The path to a tenderness of heart is a process that takes time and the believer should not underestimate the inner struggles involved–but they should persevere considering that they have been chosen by God and redeemed by Christ for great things. Salvation is a gift of grace, but Christ has taught that we must bear our cross if we are to follow after Him, “Then he said to them all, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me,” (Luke 9:23). Spiritual growth is a journey with daily struggles to overcome sin and replace it with righteousness. This change is seen by the contrast between the old sinful person displayed by the deeds of the flesh, and the new creation displayed by the Fruits of the Spirit listed below.

Fruit of the Spirit

“But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

Galatians 5:18-25

Just as the five holy virtues of godliness are gifts given to believers because they have been chosen by God, so are the fruits of the Spirit qualities bestowed on believers as they are conformed to the image of Christ. The Spirit of God forges the character and instills these fruits as believers grow in the faith, and proceed to live and walk by the Spirit. For instructional purposes the lists contained in the verse above, (Gal. 5:18-25), have been divided into the two lists below. The deeds of the flesh reveal the sinful habits which comprise the character of the unbeliever before conversion. The Fruit of the Spirit displays the new character of the believer through spiritual growth by the power of the Spirit. It now becomes evident by viewing both lists as to why the spiritual growth process takes time, and why it is challenging. The process can be more difficult for some than for others depending on the degree of their bondage to sin. During this process the person is continually cultivating the tenderness of heart to a greater degree. In other words, as they grow in maturity in the faith, they become kinder, gentler, humbler, more patient, more loving, and more compassionate.

Application: Retaining a Tenderness of Heart in a Hostile and Angry World

Now, we get to the part of the instruction where we apply the teachings of a tenderness of heart to the real world. A reader may think to him or herself, well I have progressed in my spiritual growth where I now possess the five holy virtues and am exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit, and most people will agree that I am a loving person. I am gentle, kind, patient, compassionate, humble, and also generous. But I live in this world which has gone mad and I feel like the Puritan pastor in the above image who is surrounded by mobs of crazy, drunken, wicked, angry, and immoral people. They hate religious people, especially Christians, and any other moral upright person who opposes their degenerate lifestyles. So how and why are these qualities, virtues, and tenderheartedness going to help me, and how will they make the world a better place?

The answer to that question is found in the example of the author and founder of our faith, Jesus Christ. He lived in a violent and brutal society, surrounded by cruel and evil persons. They hated and persecuted Him, but He continued to oppose their wicked ways and continued to preach His message of redemption. He possessed all of these virtues and qualities, but to the degree of perfection, and they still killed Him. However, His life is the ultimate example of loving kindness and tenderheartedness. His interactions with crude and wicked people show us the way in which we are to respond in similar circumstances. In the face of hostility, He remained composed and gentle as He responded to harsh people. But He was not a weak defenseless person who could be bullied. His gentle demeanor and calm disposition presented an aura of self-confidence which discouraged mistreatment. His greatest enemies were the religious leaders whose authority was threatened by His teaching and by the large number of His followers. He defended Himself from their attacks with His great wisdom and knowledge of the Scriptures. Though He was meek and mild in character, He occasionally responded with righteous anger at certain offenses; such as against the moneychangers, (Matt. 21:12-13), and as He cursed the Pharisees and Scribes several times for their hypocrisy, (Matt. 3:7, 12:34, and 23:33). This is how our Lord responded to a rebellious and cruel generation from a position of tenderheartedness. He proclaimed His message and completed His mission in the face of opposition. He established His Church, trained His apostles, and commissioned them to continue His work throughout the world with the Great Commission, (Matt. 28:18-20). The Great Commission applies to us and has been passed on to all future generations of believers. We are to carry on the work of Christ in proclaiming the Gospel knowing that we will face persecution and hostility in doing so. We are commissioned to complete this work while maintaining a tenderness of heart and remaining holy as God is holy. A tenderness of heart and loving kindness attracted the lost and broken-hearted to Jesus, and it should also attract them to us who carry on His work in this current age–This is the answer to how and why these qualities and virtues are important!

Denying Oneself and Carrying Your Cross Daily

Here is one last set of instructions to help equip the workers of Christ in a hostile and angry world. There has been a flood of false teachings that have distorted the true teachings of the faith, most notably the teachings of the Prosperity Gospel. There is a great discrepancy between what Christ taught and what the false prosperity preachers teach. The result is that many people who follow the teachings of the Prosperity Gospel subscribe to a completely different gospel than the Gospel of Christ. Many of the followers of the Prosperity Gospel have no love for God and act only out of love of self. This was stated earlier as the distinction between those who possess a heart of stone and those who possess a heart of flesh was explained, “Those with hearts of stone have their hearts turned inward displaying their love of self, while those with hearts of flesh have their hearts turned upward displaying their love of God.” The message of the Prosperity Gospel is that the blessings of God will be showered upon those who express their faith through their monetary donations to the prosperity pastor; the bigger the donation, the greater the blessing. According to this false gospel, God’s purpose is to serve His followers, but the truth of the Gospel of Christ is that the purpose of His followers is to serve Christ. The true Gospel further reveals that His followers will suffer and be persecuted because of their faith. Only those who love God are willing to suffer, and to die, if necessary, for following Christ. One group of followers follow their leader because it will lead to material blessings, while the other group follows their leader because of their love for Him by which they must deny themselves and endure suffering just as He did on their behalf. The following two verses are the teachings of Jesus where He explains that His followers must live each day for Him and not for themselves; and that they will be hated and suffer persecution because of His name.

“Then he said to them all, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me,” (Luke 9:23).

“Then they will hand you over to be persecuted, and they will kill you. You will be hated by all nations because of my name,” (Matt. 24:9).

Only the true Gospel of Christ can provide a tenderness of heart, while false gospels only satisfy the selfish desires of an unrepentant heart. Cultivating a tenderness of heart is a prolonged and demanding process that leads to becoming Christlike and to being holy as God is holy. It is a process that involves internal struggles and battles as the mind and heart are being transformed. There is no expectation of material gain or wealth, but only the hope of spiritual blessings and the love of God. Believers proceed with the spiritual growth process because it is God’s will for their life and there is no greater blessing than serving Christ with all of their heart, soul, and mind, (Matt. 22:37). We can endure the hatred and hostility of the wicked because a tenderness of heart brings a noticeable presence of self-confidence by being united to Christ. It also allows the peace of Christ to rule in our hearts, “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful,” (Col. 3:15). The peace of Christ brings a sense of well-being, tranquility, and harmony which is the fruit of the tenderness of heart.

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